24 (D)
WWW:
- There are very good elements to this essay: The section on institution + US TV networks is well researched and very interesting. Overall, though you need to develop key aspects to reach level 3+.
EBI: -
- You don’t clearly lay out an argument in your introduction and then due this the essay lacks focus on the Q.
- Written English is poor: you consistently fail to use capital letters for names/titles.
- You have cut pasted without referencing which is a huge problem + must be addressed.
- Research: you are pretty solid for web sources but lacking academic books/journals. This holds you back from the high marks.
- The section on the representation of women could be very good but currently feels like it is drifting away from your question
Aiming for a B in the second draft.
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